Here it is: the final stretch before my third year of college. I’m sitting on my bedroom floor, surrounded by all the stuff I’m bringing to school; I’m taking a break from my furious packing to reflect on the sheer number of clothes I own, yet never seem to wear. In fact, I’m missing a good number of the clothes I wanted to bring to school, which makes sense, as they’re the only clothes I took or wore anywhere this summer.
I spent most of my summer packing and unpacking. That’s what happens when you accidentally end up splitting your time between two internships in two states and then your mom decides to whisk your family away to Taiwan for a month. I can’t tell you how many stupid pairs of earbuds I’ve lost–not because I can’t remember, but because it’s horribly embarrassing how incapable I am of keeping track of those things. They could be in my house, underneath the sprawl of things waiting to be U-Hauled away. They could be in the room I’ve been crashing in down in New Brunswick, or in my boss’s office up in New York City. They could be in someone’s car, or on a bus, or on the floor of a restaurant somewhere. They could literally be across the globe right now.
I’ve come to see it as a metaphor for my life, whether appropriate or not. I’m everywhere at once, but I’m never in a place long enough to make an impact. Are you a dancer? I’d love to go to a workshop with you! And I love writing; sign me up to be a blogger! Why don’t you take me to ice hockey practice while you’re at it, and yes, of course I’ll take pottery with you! My city internship involved stocks; my lab in New Brunswick focused on plant biology. If you look at the classes I’ve taken up till now, you’ll see that I don’t specialize in anything because I have a healthy interest in everything. My ‘why not’ mentality and hunger to try whatever comes my way has afforded me some of the best friends, decisions, and experiences of my life, but it’s time to settle down, if only for the sake of my sanity. Having two years left may sound like a long time, but the first half of college has already come and gone and, oops, now I’ve got two majors that need finishing.
So here we are, August, in the middle of this mess I’ve made. As much as I hate sounding like a bad Chinese fortune cookie, focus is necessary for progress to be made, and I refuse to be stagnant. I don’t regret anything I’ve done (except maybe losing a billion pairs of earbuds), but I know I have to ask myself what I want, set a goal, and work towards it. It’s a daunting prospect, having to think about something beyond deciding what to eat for lunch or choosing tomorrow’s outfit, especially when that’s something I already struggle with. But I’m ready, I’m willing, and I’m definitely able.
P.S. if anyone’s seen a pair of red-and-black HTC earbuds, let me know.